Drunk Guy At Bar Selflessly Doles Out Day-Trading Advice

Patrons lucky enough to have grabbed a drink at Brendan’s Irish Pub Tuesday night were treated to a barrage of unsolicited day-trading advice from a man calling himself, “just Joe.”

The drunken individual didn’t charge a penny or ask for anything in return. He happily divulged his trading strategies in great detail, purely out of the kindness of his heart.

The strategies included purchasing stocks right before earning calls, buying penny stocks because if they go to a dollar you’ll make 100 times your money, and purposefully keeping himself ignorant of conventional investment wisdom so that he can keep surprising the market.

For the doubters, Joe proved his authority by showing off stocks he’d purchased, some of which had gone up as much as 16% at the time screenshots were taken on his iPhone 4.

Even after last call, sources report Joe cared so much about fellow bar-goers’ financial education that he stayed outside chain-smoking cigarettes and talking about little-known cryptocurrencies for another four hours.

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